Fade Away

Why must friendship be hard to keep?

Why must friendship have to end?

Why is it that when feelings get involved, friendship breaks?

Why won’t we still be the same?

Before a significant turn of events, we started all started as a stranger. All of us possessed our own personalities which were similar to one another and different towards the other. But despite of this, all of us became friends, and I believed that each of us had formed a special bond with one another, enough to be called a relationship or a much more pleasing term called: friendship. And I know that I’m not close with everyone in our so-called “group” and sometimes I am busy in my own little world that I distance myself away from them.  But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t like them when in fact, I really looked up to my friends. I think that every one of them is amazing in their own way and I liked being friends with them. Although I admit that I have selected only a few of them that I really like sharing my company with.

And during the months that I have spent together with them, quite a few significant changes started happening—and before I knew it, it made me wonder and at the same time, it made me feel a little sad. I started to experience the feeling of longing to be with another person—other than the longing I’ve felt growing up without my father—and the feeling of not wanting to be left alone—even though I was used to feeling lonely and empty inside—for the first time, I wanted to express my feelings of wanting to speak up and to cry. I was not as uncomfortable as I was before, because I learned to trust them.

But yes, some changes did take place in our group as time went by. Some of us started to develop special feelings towards one of our friends, and those were the feelings of attraction or crushes as I have put it. Some of my friends also started to become distant, including me. I did notice that we were not the same as we were before, and I know that but still, I refuse to consider it. At first, the thoughts of crushes didn’t bother me, and then the feeling of uneasiness started happening towards each other, threatening the friendship to end. And it makes me feel very sad and afraid—if the other one likes the other, and the other one does not feel the same—why break the friendship?  I think that it’s better if they confessed and resolves their own issues.

I still remember when I used to feel uncomfortable when I found out that I was going to meet new people whom I didn’t know. I missed my previous friends which I met during a summer bridge program. But now, I started to become comfortable with my friends now and I didn’t miss my previous as much like before. I enjoyed the jeep rides we all had when we went to malls, eating, and looking at stuff displayed on every window. I enjoyed it when they talked about lots of things even if I couldn’t relate some times. I liked it when they were playful, teasing and laughing. And during the moments when I’m sad, it made me feel a lighter knowing that my friends were concerned about what I was feeling.

Now, I know what made me smile despite feeling empty inside. It’s nice to see that some people are actually there for you. Those people whom you feel comforted even just by seeing them smile at you. Those people whom despite their problems still manage to be strong and happy. And those people are my friends. I want them to realize that I do like each and every one of them, maybe not as equally with one another, but still they are precious to me. And I hope that despite meeting new people, making new friends, getting into romantic relationships, or becoming busy. I wish they won’t make the memories, and the friendship we have…

Fade away.       

Dear D,

      Please don’t shift and if ever you meet new friends, please remember your previous friends. And please fix your friendship with JK because I REALLY DON’T WANT THE TWO OF YOU to stop being friends.

Dear MJ,

     A lot of your friends, including me will be sad if you do transfer to another school but if you really want to transfer I know that your friends will support you. P.S are you really giving up your crush with L if you transfer?

Dear A,

    Dude thanks for everything. When I’m depressed, thanks for being concerned. Thanks for tutoring me and D in math, despite us being really stupid sometimes (mainly me). I am really in your debt. And despite me saying you’re mean and scary sometimes, I’ll really miss you if you go away dude. So don’t go away dude.

Dear T.F.

     I’m sorry for breaking my promise.